And that’s how love languages work

By David Harper

Good missionaries know this one reality wherever they live and work:  If you want to influence people with the gospel you’ve got to speak their language and build bridges accordingly. But that foundational truth is often forgotten when it comes to marriage!  We need to study our partner to know their love language and know ourselves enough to tell them what we want. 

As marriage coaches and founders of Together, a YWAM ministry focused on raising up a global network of coaches to come alongside leadership couples, we have had to learn this hard reality. Understanding our partner’s love language is an invitation to change our behavior so that we increasingly meet their needs.

How is that lived out in our lives? Nancy’s strongest love language is Acts of Service and mine is Physical Touch. A short time ago she reminded me, “You know, if you did the dishes more often and worked with me to keep the house clean it would mean a lot.” To which I half-seriously and half-jokingly replied, “Baby I know that when I help out around the house, it somehow becomes a major turn-on for you, and that benefits me AND you!”

And that’s how love languages work. For us, being partners in ministry as well as with managing our home has meant more time between the sheets. Every day we prove that paying attention to one another’s needs and wants, and then modifying our behavior, results in a better relationship–and a cleaner house and more sex!

p.s. If you are interested in doing online training to become a marriage coach, contact the Harpers here: